2005-09-10 - 7:56 p.m.
"she had nothing left to say, so she said she loved me. and i stood there grateful for the lie."
if anyone can name that line, i might be inclined to remove my very intimidating glasses and have conversation with you. i know that i love the gin blossoms much more than i should, but i can't help it. maybe because the music found its way under my skin before the lyrics had an existential resonance. (what bullshit. i just like them, okay.)
"there's no swimming in the bottle, it's just some place we all drown"
i'm sitting at my computer, trying to figure out my new ipod. and as a self proclaimed ludite, this ought to be an amusing mental picture, i know. but the thought of being able to store my entire musical collection (for the moment) in one place and not having to risk losing or scratching my cd's, not to mention the ability to trasmit all this audio stimulation to my car stereo... come on. can you blame me?
besides, i've decided to start running again, after years of being awol. i made my first run last tuesday and i cannot say that it was great. i can say that i did it. and it's funny with things like this for me, but i find difficult ordeals easier to manage if i start writing the experience in my head as i'm going through it. weird, because i'm not really a writer, but there you have it. jessica's moderately narcissistic view of the universe in which her narration of the whole thing makes it easier to get down. i figured i needed a healthy outlet to my lately surfacing masochism. so instead of smoking and drinking and indulging in dark film and literature, i'll run.
so it appears that i'm not moving to santa barbara for the moment. i tried to quit my job and they offered me a substantial raise and the possibility of actually making this a "big person" job. i have been honest with my boss and made it clear that unless they made it very worth my while to stay, that i still have my sights set outside of washington, but so far he's interested in keeping the discussion going. this, along with r.'s report that finding housing we could both afford is proving to be quite difficult, has resulted in me settling in for another northwest autumn, at least, and possibly longer. but perhaps because this represents a proactive decision on my part to stay here, i will start to make a home here. not that i know exactly what that looks like, but think i'm about to find out. "what the hell did you expect to find? aphrodite, on a barstool?" cheers all
