2004-02-06 - 7:12 p.m.
when was it that it came to this...
"my incredible friend" he called me, "my incredible friend". this is so strange. so real. so healthy. though not perfect. how long ago was it that i sat at the woods with my earl grey and rediscovered this friend of mine, and cried to both of our surprise. it feels like a whole epoc ago. and then the pulling me back into the world of the living - picnics, lectures, bible studies... bible studies... it had been years since i had done that.
sitting out on the rock at boulevard, the symphony of fire, the forgiveness in the sand, and the extravagant gifts given... the night of the wedding and the listening and the herb garden and the honesty. the night he said i was beautiful. the meaning and the ring... every time you said you loved my eyes...
so this is it. fine. i refuse to hate everything. i refuse to take the easy way out and i will shoulder the burden of this thing myself. i am sorry (for your sake) that you met me. i am not sorry (for my own sake) that i've known you. you gave me back myself.
