2003-04-27 - 1:00 p.m.
"is it getting better? or do you feel the same? will it make it easier on you now you've got someone to blame...?"
hmmmm... i haven't had the time to stop and think about it yet. and when i have time, i don't have the leisure to sit down and write.
u2 must be a spring band, because i'm hearing it all the time on the radio these days. "in the summer i can taste the salt of the sea. there's a kite blowing out of control on the beach. i wonder what will happen to you. you wonder what has happened to me"
i don't know why a would-be apology should make such a difference. i suspect that i was coming to some sort of a conclusion to my angst and synchronicity being what it is (aka divine humor or grace), everything just culminated around the passiontide of 2003. in a bizarre way, what a said was exactly what i've been needing (and wanting) someone to say. everyone has been so understanding and patient and damned sensitive about the person that i've become, and i've hated it. what i craved was for someone to tell me to shut the hell up and snap out of it. i even tried to tell rach about it once, and missing the point entirely, the closest she could come was to tell me that i was stupid for not dating a fellow who volunteered to teach me to kayak. both of my sisters have come pretty close to giving me that verbal slap across the face which is sometimes necessary to shock us out of a prolonged emotional hysteria, and actually, j.d did something similar recently, as well. so perhaps it was the convergence of these small personal events, as well as an apology, that have, i must admit, woken me from an overlong and highly indulgent capnat from my usual self. or perhaps it is just that the sun has come out... i cannot remember a.'s theory of forgiveness and forgetfulness, but as i recall it, he may have been right after all.
damn.
