2002-12-01 - 8:24 p.m.
how far you gonna go
before you lose your way back home
hmmm.... it's been a while since i've had the energy to even think too much about what is going on in my little world, let alone flesh it out in all it's electronic glory here. life has gotten stranger and stranger, and yet it still has the unfortunate quality of feeling as banal and mundane as brushing my teeth.
let's see... how far back should i go? well, let's start with the visit of the queen of hearts, which was in some ways much better than i had expected. and in other ways, much worse. let's just say that if i had any pride going into the weekend, i certainly did not coming out of it. it was anything but ideal. my ridiculously disfunctional and manipulative aunt and her family decided to descend upon us on the same weekend as rachel was here. not only were they an untimely inconvenience, but my aunt made herself outrightly obnoxious by trying to insert herself into my life and become my new best friend. so of course, i got to be the jerk who told her that i would deal with my issues, but not then and not with her.
then i broke down in a restaraunt (completely unplanned for, tears and everything) and told rach about my family. or at least whatever i could communicate through my choked sobs.
then the next night, i got myself absolutely plastered and spent most of the evening puking my guts out in the ladies' room of a local bar. when i could finally walk, i managed to get hit on by almost every male we saw on the way from the bar to the car and even got a little s&m proposal. i don't think it's even possible to feel the amount of embarrassment that is appropriate for such assanine behavior. so i don't, really.
