2002-10-13 - 4:08 p.m.
if the sky could crack....there must be some way back to love.
if i could say all that i'd like to say to my father, i think it would go something like this:
dad, i love you. i've always loved you, always been proud of you, always thought you could do anything. and we've had our knock-down/drag-outs, but i've been glad we've had it out. i've gotten much of my fire and fury from you, something i'm very glad to have acquired. you've been a good dad. but you've been a terrible husband. strangely, that matters more to me than any of the father/daughter banquets you could have taken me to. and this you should already know, theoretically. you used to teach people that the most important part of parenting has to do with the mantainance of the husband/wife relationship. where did that get lost? when did you forget how to love your wife? there's no way in the world i will ever get married if it means being treated the way you've treated my mother. you've tried so hard to be a good dad. and you have, in spite of whatever mistakes you think you may have made along the way; i have no bad memories about the two of us. but i sure as hell have bad memories of you making my mother cry, of you neglecting, wounding, belittling her. and i know that there's all sorts of reasons for doing what you did, and i know that i was just a kid and that big people problems are not as simple as a good guy and a bad guy. and you've been telling youself that for years. but grow up. be a man. get over your past, shed that damned pride and say you were wrong - YOU WERE WRONG. then get over it and live.
