2006-03-05 - 7:36 p.m.
today i was thinking about how strange it is that i have begun to write again. and how easily. i am encouraged by it, though i'm not sure to what end. writing used to be such a chore... every paper i ever wrote was like bringing a child into the world, each sentence an agonizing labor pain. i don't think it ever took me less than 12 hours to write a paper (and those were the bad ones). granted, all i have been writing are random musings about life and God, but still, it all seems so effortless. perhaps because there is no real pressure attached to it. but maybe it means i could be ready to apply myself to something... bigger. perhaps go back to school. or not. but maybe dig myself out of this pit of meaninglessness that i've allowed myself to wallow in for far too long... remember what it means to do something i was meant to do. or maybe i'm just in a good mood this evening.
but the other thing i have thought of is that by making my writing public, i think that i risk portraying myself as a better, more principled person than i actually am. or, in the case of some of my la cienga entries, worse. so for the record and as a disclaimer, let me say this: i am neither as good nor as bad as i come across in my writing. or maybe i am both. either way... it amounts to the same thing. don't let me fool you.
